5 Boozy Punch Recipes That’ll Turn Your Bridal Shower The Fuck Up

Your mom, aunts, and all their friends are going to have a GREAT time.

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed

Zero? Zero.

For those of you who don't know, a wedding shower is an event typically thrown by a bride's female relatives or friends approximately two months before her wedding. It usually includes food and a couple of silly games, but the main activity is watching the bride open the gifts the guests are “showering” her with. And of all of the bizarre pre-wedding rituals that strongly reinforce traditional gender stereotypes, bridal showers may win the award for the gender stereotypingest.

Showers also typically don't involve booze. Why IS that? Because “proper” young ladies would never imbibe, let alone get shitfaced at 2 p.m. in the afternoon while surrounded by their aunts and grandmas? Hard to say.

Obviously we DGAF about “proper” feminine decorum, so we created some delicious big-batch cocktail recipes that are guaranteed to improve any wedding shower experience.

Obviously we DGAF about "proper" feminine decorum, so we created some delicious big-batch cocktail recipes that are guaranteed to improve any wedding shower experience.

Flowers: B. Floral. Cup: Party City.

Nothing makes opening presents in front of a crowd and playing wedding shower games exciting quite like bourbon does!

These recipes are all written to yield enough for 10-12 people and should fit in a large pitcher or a punch bowl (total volumes range between 1/2 – 2/3 of a gallon). Generally, it's nice to serve these drinks over ice (to ~stay chill~ and dilute the booze level a little bit) but you're also welcome not to.

But you can use the volume ratios to multiply/divide quantities and make bigger or smaller batches, depending on how big your serving container is and how many drinkers you'll have.

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed — Flowers: B. Floral. Cup: Party City.

In short: we’re here to help you get your mom, grandma, and all their friends fuuuucked up.

In short: we're here to help you get your mom, grandma, and all their friends fuuuucked up.

Flask: Urban Outfitters. Glass: BHLDN.

(SRSLY, make sure you have extra crustless cucumber sandwiches on hand when serving these drinks.)

Lauren Zaser / Zoe Burnett / BuzzFeed


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