17 Penis Horror Stories Guaranteed To Make You Laugh

“I took the term ‘blow job’ literally and blew on it like it was a balloon. He wasn’t amused.”

“Years ago I dated a guy from work and gave him a blow job. He randomly started distancing himself from me, but later on we grabbed drinks. He asked me, 'Do you remember what you had for lunch on Sunday?' I had no idea, but he said, 'You had cashew chicken… I’m allergic to cashews.' Apparently his dick had exploded into a swollen, itchy, red, skin-peeling member from the blow job I gave him. Whoops.”

carlyp4

Columbia Pictures

“I occasionally get lockjaw. One time I was giving my boyfriend a blow job – he's quite big and girthy – and my jaw started to hurt. I thought 'fuck it' and kept going, which was a big mistake. It got to the point where I couldn’t open my mouth wide enough to get his dick out, so I had to pry my mouth open with my fingers. Whoops.”

shelbeed


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