Here’s What “Harry Potter” Would Be Like If It Took Place In 2016

Don’t worry, Neville still is hot.

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1. The hottest wizarding dating app would be called Lumos.
2. The most popular spell would be to re-create Snapchat filters on yourself IRL.
3. Butterbeer would come in the sizes tall/grande/venti.
4. Emojus would be a spell that would cast your house’s emoji into the air.
5. Celebrities who are secretly wizards: Adele (Gryffindor), Taylor Swift (schemes with the Slytherin), Lin-Manuel Miranda (Ravenclaw), and Rihanna (gets stoned with all the Hufflepuffs).
6. Most of the Kardashians are definitely Muggles, though.
7. Kim, however, is a witch. Khloé is definitely a Muggle though.
8. Favorite songs by house: “Cheap Thrills” by Sia for Ravenclaw, “Cool Girl” by Tove Lo for Slytherin, “One Dance” by Drake for Gryffindor, and “Needed Me” by Rihanna for Hufflepuff.
9. Arthur Weasley would be fascinated by GIFs: “Muggles have OUR pictures now?”
10. But he’d REALLY lose his shit over the iPhone 7.
11. Harry Potter’s glasses would be Warby Parkers.

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12. They’d also be those black-frame oversized hipster glasses.
13. Lavender Brown would invent a spell to magically contour your face.
14. Robes would have holes on purpose to look more ~distressed~ and vintage.
15. Death Eaters would wear clown masks to appear terrifying.
16. Draco’s mom, Narcissa, would be a cast member on the magical reality show The Real Witchwives of England.
17. Hermione would have a charm that would magically refill cans of Pamplemousse LaCroix.
18. She’d also have a hex ready for when boys asked her to smile.
19. Everyone would label Ron a “fuckwizard” (basically a magical fuckboy).
20. The Weasley twins would get in trouble for home-brewing IPA in their dorm rooms.
21. The hottest wizarding picture to upload to social media would be a pool picture on one of those big floats that looks like a Hippogriff.
22. Herbology would actually be a really popular class because hipster wizards and witches would want to tend to their succulents properly.
23. The Knight Bus would be out of business, and the wizarding version of Uber/Lyft would take its place.
24. The app would be called Leviosa and witches and wizards would share broom rides.
25. A popular fitness trend would be SoulBroom (like SoulCycle but with flying broomsticks).


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