59 Thoughts All Edinburgh People Have During The Festival

“No, I don’t want to come to your ironic meninist reinterpretation of Pride and Prejudice, thanks.”

Flickr: asturdesign / Creative Commons

1. Fucking hell, is it August again?

2. It was just August the other day, surely.

3. No, it’s definitely August. Every available flat surface is covered in posters for shows.

4. Why do all male comedians have the same haircut?

5. Do they go into barbershops and say, “I’ll have the 2009 Jack Whitehall again today, I think”?

6. And why do they all lean to one side in their posters too?

7. Have they got inner ear problems?


8. Oh no, that’s totally fine, tourists. Yeah, just walk in the middle of the road.

9. Being hit by cars and buses doesn’t actually hurt you when you’re on holiday. It’s a fact.

10. Oh great, someone’s just flagged down the bus to ask for directions to the castle.

11. That’s the fifth time in about 10 minutes.

12. No, it’s OK. We don’t need to get to work. No one works in Edinburgh. It’s fine.

13. How do bus drivers put up with it? I think I’d murder someone.

14. They’ve decided to get on. Don’t get out a £50 note. Don’t get out a £50 note. Don’t get out a £50…fuck.

15. Didn’t they see the “no change” sign?

16. Should I just give them some money? It’s definitely worth £1.60 to not be late for work for the third day in a row.

17. Ah, they’ve found enough 5ps for the fare. It’s a miracle.

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